Ah, Carrie Underwood winner of season 2 of American Idol would you imagine her singing a ballad about a guy she likes well that’s not this song. The song not even written by Underwood rather by Chris Tompkins and Josh Kear talks about a scorned girlfriend destroying her cheating boyfriend’s prized possession his car. We open with a decent country guitar riff and signs of the damage being made onto the car. Carrie not make the assumption or anything by how do you know he’s dancing with a bleach-bond tramp whose getting frisky are you one of the bar patrons or something. Again with these assumption that he is buying her a drink cause in your words “can shoot whiskey.” Oh shit it’s the Terminator Carrie Underwood edition run for your lives she’s got a baseball bat. Oh how I can only wonder what is going on at the pool table and this guy better protect himself because Carrie looks pissed.
Let us show an exposition shot of the guy kissing the bleach blond tramp before Carrie tells us all the damage she’s done. So she digs her key into the side of his souped up four wheel drive, carves her name into his leather seats, takes a Louisville Slugger to both heads and slashes holes in all four tires and maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. Damn word to the wise here don’t ever cheat on Carrie Underwood for that matter any women because they’ll destroy your best possession. First Carrie why not I don’t know take the car unless your keys don’t work for it. Second you don’t try to embarrass your ex-boyfriend instead your resort to vandalism isn’t that a felony. Again with the assumptions Carrie are you in this club where she is singing “white trash version of Shania (Twain) Karaoke.” Seriously Carrie are you within shouting distance of these two because you apparently know something I don’t or your good at making assumptions.
Ok what is up with the signboards letting off sparks did the electricians check this place before it opened up. Now she can see the couple yet she doesn’t go Jerry Springer on her boyfriend or the girl weird but ok. Holy F’n shit Carrie’s vocal have caused an earthquake as debris are falling all over the place. Also Carrie how in the blue H-E-L-L did you carve your name so preciously into the leather seats. You’ve might saved a little trouble for the next girl because you’ve already destroyed his car and now allow her to move onto another possession. Anyone else notice how the band is ten to twenty yards behind Carrie who well lets make an assumption here is a man-eater. Oh shit there my girlfriend let me look at her with a face of shock and awe as she drops my keys in my drink.
Now Carrie is apparently the goddess of wind and exploding objects also anyone else getting a Medusa (women who turns people to stone.) when they look into Carrie’s eyes. Carrie how in the world did you walk away from glass blowing up behind you unscaved. Damn only a passing pissed off scorned women can walk past windows and make them explode. She now raises her hand and all the signs behind her explode as shattered glass and sparks fly everywhere. Now we show the destroyed vehicle after the destruction put on it by Ms. Carrie Underwood. That was “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood not as terrible as Sisqo’s “Thong Song” but not that much better.